Reflections: A KOTOR Short Story
by Harbereign
Summary: This is a story based on a recent playthrough I completed of KOTOR in where I committed actions which affected characters such as Bastila and Carth.


**Reflections: A KOTOR Short Story**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Lucasfilm does which in itself is owned by Disney as of October 2012.

This is a story based on a recent playthrough I completed of KOTOR in where I committed actions which affected characters such as Bastila and Carth.

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3 months had passed since the battle of Rakata Prime which had resulted in the destruction of the Star Forge and the death of Darth Malak and his apprentice, Bastila Shan. Lena Zantos, once the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Revan, was reflecting on her past actions; thinking over how different things could have been.

**From the POV of Lena Zantos (A.K.A. Revan)**

It has been sometime since the battle above Rakata Prime; at least 3 months at the most. Recently, however, I have been reflecting on the lives of 2 companions I have ended and ruined respectively as a result of my actions during our journey to recover the Rakatan Star Maps in order to destroy the Star Forge; a massive factory which harnessed the power of Rakata's sun in order to churn out an almost endless fleet of Battleships and Starfighters which Malak had used to bolster the Sith. These 2 people are Bastila Shan and Carth Onasi, a young and powerful Jedi gifted with the force ability known as "Battle Meditation" and a Veteran Republic Soldier and competent pilot, respectively.

I was always annoyed by how Bastila kept pestering me on how anger leads to the Dark Side and that I must avoid it throughout our journey to find the Star Maps; resulting in me becoming nonchalant about it whenever she brought it up much to her chagrin. But yet, when the revelation that I was once Darth Revan came out, I did not harbour much anger towards her but rather understanding. I even felt bad that they took pity on me, claiming that no one deserves to be executed, even though another reason I was spared was also because I contained info about the Star Maps locked away deep in my mind which was needed in order to find them to find the Star Forge.

This all changed when I had confronted her again on Rakata Prime. Atop the Temple of the Ancients, I, Jolee and Juhani had fought against her in a duel in which she had attempted to convert me back to the dark side. I did not falter, however, and as a result, she escaped with me vowing to kill her, something which alarmed Juhani as such a thing is a path to darkness.

I maintained such a vow in our final fight together in which I simply taunted her; mocking her as she grew weaker and became desperate even with the power of the dark side being at it's greatest in the Star Forge. Near the end I let her have it by saying:

_You cannot win, Bastila. Now you must die!_

It was then that she replied with these words:

_Yes. I see you speak the truth. I am no match for you. Please, for the sake of what we once shared, do not make me suffer. End my life quickly. There is no other way._

Me & Bastila did indeed have a bond. A bond in which I broke after I cut her down at her own will. I just hope that it was quick enough like she wanted and painless like I had promised but even then I have my doubts. Doubts such as whether or not I was speaking truth and whether or not I could've redeemed her in the end.

I only considered her another obstacle in my way. I didn't actually believe she could be redeemed at the point she was at unless she had been mindwiped like I was but sadly, No one including I had thought about doing such a thing. Alas, until I become one with the force I may never know and for now all I wish to say is "Bastila... I'm sorry".

But even with Carth I regret how I treated him on my journey. I was always annoyed at how paranoid he was, among other things such as how he was unable to trust anyone, for that matter. It was only when I was leaving Dantooine with him when he and I had learned from a friend of his that his son, Dustil, was still alive and well on Korriban after the bombing of Telos 3 years prior that I ended up going with him to reunite. Sadly, such a reunion was one no one should have to go through.

When I had been accepted into the Sith Academy in order to infiltrate it to recover the Star Map, he had become devastated at the revelation that Dustil had joined the Sith Academy as a student. We tried to talk some sense into him but, alas, we failed and Carth was forced to commit filicide with my aid. As a result of such actions, he became distant as a result, not wanting to talk about anything.

Even after he had gotten his revenge on Admiral Karath, Carth still hasn't come around since he was forced to kill his son prior to that. If only I hadn't been so brash and headstrong and thought in a calmer and more rational matter that perhaps I could've saved Dustil from the dark side and reunited Father and Son successfully. I'm sorry Carth... Dustil... Forgive me.

I still have much anger in me towards anyone who makes themselves an enemy to me or my friends; Whether it was Yuthura Ban and Uthar Wynn, Admiral Karath, Bastila when she was captured and made Malak's apprentice, or even Malak himself. This is not good and it almost lead me to the dark side once again. Being someone who has an eagerness for battle is also wrong as such things are to be avoided, not pleasured, and I still need discipline in that aspect.

I need time to clear my head. Since the revelation that I was once Revan, I have become somewhat more of a different person. But alas, I still need time to ponder. Perhaps a vacation or simply just time alone, in solitude somewhere...

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